Lazy People

I know this is going to be a little bit of bitching.  There was a woman next me in the parking lot take the shopping cart and almost push into the other car.  The place to put the shopping carts was two spaces down.  It is amazing when you go by Walmart or a grocery store and shopping carts are everywhere.   A lot of them just steps from the storage place in the parking lot.  I have even seen those area empty of carts.  So it makes me wonder why people are so lazy to walk a few steps to place the carts away. 

It seems that as society progress more and more that people become more lazy.  It is a wonder that so many people are overweight.  People choose to take the easy way out when it comes to do things.  We want things done quickly and fast.  Instant food and instant everything.  The thing is that the good things in life are not the quick things.  An amazing meal takes some time to cook with all fresh items not things from the boxes.  Works of art take time to create.  Those are I know extreme from the shopping carts.  The point is that it is time for things to slow down and we need to take a little more time to do things and make our lives better.

Are you Masculine?

I know it has been a while since I post something.  I have been having writers block.  Well till today.  I get Netflicks all the time.  I sometimes will get on and add things to my list and forget what I was thinking when I add them.  Well I got one yesterday and throw it in the DVD player tonight.  The DVD is called The Butch Factor.

I would first off say if you have not seen it check it out it is interesting.  The point of the documentary is what is masculine in the gay culture.  I know for me I sometimes wonder when I see posting on the different websites.  How many times have you seen or heard someone say they want "straight acting" men.  First I personally would say that a gay man who says he wants a straight acting man means he would like a man who chases women and wants to play with female anatomy. Wants to be around men only as a buddy.  Okay I know I am pushing it but I think you get the point.  The reality they are asking for is a man who is masculine.  Why they can't say it in those words I don't know. 

Getting back to my point about this documentary was what is masculinity?  I think that for both straight and gay men this question is one that we all struggle with.  Men who are straight want to be as masculine as possible so that people don't see them as gay.  For some gay men they want to be masculine or butch so that they won't have to deal with prejudices of the culture in some places.  The reality is that there is no clear cut definition of what is masculine.  There are features of a masculine man that we might agree on but probably not. 

I mean for some back in the 50's or 60's was the Marlboro Man who was on the back of a horse and the rough and tough guy.  I don't know if I could agree with that one.  For some masculine is the big football player big sports nut.  Well I know some gay guys who are more sports nuts than me.  They have also played in high school or college.  For some masculine is the guy who doesn't cry when some thing sad or hurts.  They suck it up and that is a man.  Well denying your feelings does not make you anymore of a man than it does not.

So what is the answer to the question of what makes a man masculine?  Well I think it is as elusive as trying to define beauty or love.  Beauty for me is different from yours.  Same with the idea of love.  The spectrum of masculinity is wide and broad.  I think it is more important that we allow the differences to be there and accepted.  To realize that each man in the world is different and unique.  To remember that each of us views and defines masculine differently.  No one is right and no one is wrong.  Each man is masculine in his own way.

I know who you are

I had a rather interesting experience today.  I met someone for the first time.  When I met the person they wrote me off right away.  When I asked why they were so quick to discard me they said they knew all about me.  I was taken a back of course since I had no idea who this person was.

They went on to say I was a number of things including rude.  All of which were far from who I am as a person who how I would treat people.  They would not tell me who had informed them of this nor why they believed it without getting to know me.  Now whether or not this person was the kind of person I would be friend with is irrelevant to me.

It made me think if I had ever choose not to talk to someone or give someone the time of day by what I had heard.  I believe I have not.  If I have I am sorry to those people but as far as I can remember I have not.  Now I have in the past allowed acquaintances to drift away because they were not healthy for me.  But I do believe that everyone has something to teach me and that someday I might need that person for something.  I am not one to quickly burn bridges for kick someone to the curb.  But to make snap decisions on another person I don't know is not right either.  Yes we all make them and I have also but generally the snap decisions I make are superficial meaning which drink I have will not have a long lasting effect on another individual.

It is to bad that this person can't have a mind of his own and learn to find out the truth before writing people off.

I'm afraid

For many people fear keeps them from doing things in their life.  So some they are afraid of heights (Acrophobia).  For some they are afraid of  spiders (Arachnophobia).  Others are afraid of being dirty (Automysophobia).  Well I can go on an on about different fears we can have.  But for some it is just feat that keeps them from being who they are.

For some they are fearful of failing in their job so they take the safe way out.  The don't try anything but the minimum that is expected from them and they stay in the same job year after year and don't grow in their career. I have know people who are not happy with their job and they complain but they choose to not do anything about our of fear of change and the unknown.

I will be honest in the past I have been fearful of different things.  Asks some of my friends and they will tell you that when it comes to going up to someone in the bar or club I have a fear.  I am honest about it in that I am fearful when it comes to doing that.  I have my reasons and if you really want to know what they are you can contact me directly and I will see about tell you about it.  But one of the side effects of being afraid of going up to someone in the club or bar is that I miss out on possibilities.   

Now to say I have a fear is not enough.  I list a few fears earlier well to get over them you have to confront the fear.  Now to do that means becoming more than who you are at this moment in time.  Yes I know I need to be telling myself the same thing.  But the point is that I become aware of what needs to be done.  I also make a change.  I see it as a growth issue.  I can stay afraid and be who I am at this moment or I can become a new and improved person. 


So what fears do you have that you need to get over?

The Gap

Yesterday I had a conversation with a friend about relationships and age differences.  I have several friends who are in relationships where there a significant age difference.  The relationships are working well.  Yet I know that that for some it has not worked. 

Seems to me that standards tend to be different with age differences when it comes to gender and whether it is gay or straight relationships.  Look at society and what people think when there is an older woman and a younger man.  They call her a cougar and it is seen as a positive thing.  That for the younger man he is being taught.  Most don't see it as a big deal.  When it comes to an older man and a younger woman they see it as the man is a stud.  They see him as being amazing that he could attract someone younger than him.  They see him as the great playboy founder as a lady's man.  

Now when it comes to a relationship with two woman no one looks twice when there is an age difference between them.  They are seen as normal for lesbian relationships.  People tend to not see any issue with it.  But when it comes to two men in a relationship may see it as wrong for an older man to be with a younger guy in a relationship.  Mostly I think it is because people are less accepting of this kind of relationship in society that of two men.  There tends to be more acceptance of two women. 

So what is the thought on relationships with age differences?  Well I don't think that they are an issue.  While those I am familiar with the older person has had to deal with more prejudice that the younger the prejudice is the same.  People outside the relationship are less accepting than the people in the relationship.  While some say age is just a number and I would agree with that statement the truth is that for some age is an issue. 

To those who are in a relationship with an significant age difference good for you.  Just be happy and remember the most important person who needs to be happy with that relationship has to be the two of you.  Relationships are hard and why let others outside of them put pressures that you don't need. 

Oh sweet memories

Okay today the blog may be more personal that thought provoking.  I am an alumnus of a social fraternity.  I was active as an alumnus for a while and since have not really done much with the fraternity.  I do love the fraternity for what it stand and its philosophy has guided my life in different ways.

Recently I started a group on facebook for those who are alumni of the particular chapter of my fraternity.  I have posted a few pictures and have encouraged others to post some of the pictures they have.  It has been fun to go back and look through all the pictures I have of my time as an undergraduate.  I have not begun to wonder what has happened to some of the guys.  A few have found their way to the group I have establish and some have disappeared.  Some have become successful in their given carrers and others have gone after their passions. 

Some one has once said that persons come into our lives forever or for a season.  I guess my question is why do people come into our lives just for season.  I mean some of these guys I was in the fraternity with were important to me we partied together and we suffered with classes. Now I have no idea what they are doing.  What moved them from being important to a class of not being so?   Why did we drift away from each other?  I have often wondered why important relationships can change so much? 

Well it has been nice to go down memory lane and possible get to reconnect with people who helped mold me into the person I have become thus far.

I now pronounce you...

I was surfing through Youtube and saw one made by a young man in NY about DC allowing gay marriage.  He made an interesting comment.  That why should his love be limited to where he should live.  DC is one of only a few places in the country where gay marriage is accepted.  There are others that have a weaker element, that of domestic partnership or something like it.  I keep hear churches saying that marriage is a part of religion and that it was what God created. 

Well for those who say this they need to go back to study history.  Marriage in the beginning was a civil contract between two men over property (a woman or women).  Religion was never part of the contract the issue was how much the man was going to pay.  Even all the customs that surround marriage come from this custom.  For example the covering of the bride with a veil was to hide her looks since it was an arranged marriage.  The groom lifting the veil after the exchange of the vows was so he could see what he got in the deal.  Throwing rice was an ancient pagan fertility ritual.  Now I could go on and on about all the stupid customs.

The issue comes back to gay marriage and what it is about.  The reality is that gay marriage has to do with rights of committed couples.  Whether it be a straight couple or a gay couple it is the rights to makes some important decisions about their partner.  It is the issue of property and not a human being.  It is an issue of taxation.  There are more but the point is that religion has nothing to do with gay marriage. 

As for those idiots who say gay marriage is the entry into marriage with animals etc.  Get a brain transplant and get some common sense.  Your argument is a dumb one and makes no sense.  For those religious people who expect gay marriage to force them to accept it in your church.  If you are that unwelcoming I for one would not want to be a part of your church.

You're to old

Recently I was told by someone that people my age and older should not be on facebook, myspace, twitter, and other social network places or chats.  That they are only for young people and that is it.  At first I wanted to rip a new one for the person who said it.  Then I calmed down and figured that one day karma will come around.

So this got me thinking.  Why would anyone want to make a rule or think there should be a rule that once you get to a certain age that should be it with certain activities. What this says is that those who are older have no value in society.  I would disagree with that.  I am lucky to still have one of my grandparents left and had all of them growing up.  I can't even begin to relay all that I was able to learn from them.  I have also learned a lot from others of their generation as well.  I would say the same thing with my parents generation.  I would say I am lucky in that I am engage in conversation with just about anyone.  I have never set limits on who I would interact with or become friends with.  I would be a far poorer person I think if I had limited who I have gotten to know.

Now that is not to say I am not careful with who I talk to or what I share with others.  But I still look to learn more in the world and others have something to teach me.  I also hope I have something to teach others.  I think the saddest thing in the world is that person who limits who they interact with.  I know there are people who live in a bubble and hold the world at a distance.  Sad for them they could really be enriched.